Three

Originally written on January 31, 2008

Well, big boy, in less than an hour, you will officially turn three. THREE!! This morning you woke up at 5:30 (!) calling “Mommy it’s my birfday….Mommy I FREEEEEE!!” Time sure has flown.

As I was getting ready to write this to you, I took a look back at what I wrote on your very first birthday and quickly realized that I could just copy most of it right into this letter. All the love, all the joy, all the frustration….multiplied by 730 days. This year, like the two preceding it, has been wonderous and challenging, fun and exhausting…maybe even more so…and although I may have thought differently at the time, there isn’t one second of it I would change.

There is so much of these past three years I wish you would be able to someday remember (and some I’m glad you won’t ). But for you, these are the days of living in the moment. Full of discovery and fun and wonder and mischief. Oh, the mischief. The memories…those are all mine. And I will forever keep them locked in my heart, gladly sharing them as you grow and want discover who you were and where you came from. And, of course, to embarass you completely when you become a teenager.

This year has been pretty big for you. For all of us. Here are a few highlights:

You finally started talking. And talking. And talking. And talking. You really never stop. It is so much fun to hear your thoughts and the wonderful things you come up with and the very funny things you say. Your daddy and I laugh at how worried we were that you didn’t say more than 10 words when you turned 2. Silly us.

You moved out of the house you were born in and into the house you will grow up in. Well, we all moved, not just you. The new house has a big backyard and a fort and a sandbox and a ceiling fan. And you love it. Although truth be told, you would have been happy with just the ceiling fan.

You started preschool. It was a little scary and a little sad but you did so great and you were so brave. Now, you are crazy about school. As soon as we get there you RUN down the stairs, around the corner and down the hall and burst into the room all smiles and hello’s. You love Teacher Trudi.

You learned how to pedal your tricycle all by yourself and you’re getting pretty fast. You are still working on looking in front of you as you ride instead of back at Mommy. You’ve crashed into the neighbor’s rose bushes a few times and that wasn’t very fun. Don’t worry. You’ll get it.

You started sleeping in a real big boy bed. You weren’t too sure about making the move from your crib at first, but you helped Daddy and Grandpa Bryan put it together and once it was in your room you climbed right in and haven’t looked back.

You are really growing into yourself and your big personality. It has been fun watching the little person you are becoming, the things you love, the things you hate, the things you choose to spend your time doing. Here are a few examples of who you are right now:

Your favorite movie at the moment is “The Aristocats” and you often entertain me with snippets of dialogue from the show, although you don’t ever reference it so it usually takes me a moment or two to figure out what exactly you are talking about. You also love the songs. I can’t tell you how much I love it when you break into a rousing rendition of “Abraham DeLacey, Giuseppe Casey, Thomas O’Malley….O’Malley the alley cat”. Or “Everybody, everybody, everybody wants to be a cat”. It is a delight.

Speaking of singing, you do it all day long. If you aren’t talking, you’re singing. And child, can you ever carry a tune! I am never in doubt as to which song you are singing even though you rarely ever sing the actual words to the song, preferring instead to make up your own to go along with whatever you are doing at the time. You cover everything from “Frosty the Snowman” to “Wheels on the Bus” to “Stray Cat Strut” to “Bad to the Bone”. All it takes is once for your ear to remember a tune. Wow.

You have a near obsession with tools and lawn equipment. You can’t get enough of saws and leaf blowers, drills and weed eaters. You love them to the point of distraction. You love to talk about them, you love to watch them in action, you love to look at pictures of them. I once kept you busy for almost an hour on a flight just buy showing you a Lowe’s ad from the Sunday paper. That is how much you love them. Lucky you, between Santa and your grandparents, you received a chainsaw, a leaf blower, a workbench and tool box full of tools for Christmas. I have never seen a happier little boy.

Just recently you have become quite insistent about helping me cook dinner. Mostly you just want to cut things up with a butter knife, which I usually let you do to keep you busy. But you also love to stir and dump and mix with the hand mixer. We are working on only helping in the kitchen when Mommy is also there after a recent incident involving butter, honey, carrots, a spoon and the toaster, but I love that you want to help and now my job will be to work on my patience so that you can help without driving me completely insane.

You have a very mechanical mind and are happiest when you are cutting with scissors, taking things apart and exploring how things work. I hear “what that do?” about a gazillion times a day. I love your fascination and your focused interest, although you do make the most hideous messes while “exploring” and usually can’t be bothered with such menial tasks as cleaning up.

Pickle, I really could go on and on and on about who you are right now. These little things just touch the surface. This has been such an amazing year and everyday with you is interesting. Not always easy, but definitely interesting. Lately we have been drifting into a developmental no man’s land where we are almost constantly butting heads. Your strong will and tenacity know no bounds and we are slowly trying to navigate the waters of your newfound sense of self and autonomy…..allowing you to feel your space while trying to remind you of your place in our family. It is hard. I know it’s hard for you too. I am constantly hearing “Mommy I need you” only to be told screamed at to “Go away” when I try to help. It is frustrating for both of us. And when you say to me “bad mommy…I don’t like you”, I know you barely know what you are saying let alone the emotional impact of such words. And I know you don’t mean it. As strange as it sounds, it makes me realize that I have done something right in raising you if you feel secure enough in my love for you that you feel free to speak your mind. We’ll continue to work on the appropriateness of saying unkind words as we continue on our journey, but everyone who has a mom knows that you always treat worst the person you trust the most. You are no different. We’ll figure it out.

This next year will bring with it lots of changes. In a few short months you will become a Big Brother. I know you are not too crazy about that right now and I know that it is going to be hard for you but you are going to do a great job and no matter what, always remember that we are in this together. When you were much younger and having a hard time with separation, even if I just walked into another room, I would say to you “Liam, it’s you and me. We go together. We’re peas and carrots”. And that sort of became our secret code when you would get a little upset. I would just whisper “peas and carrots” and you would know I wasn’t going anywhere. It has been a long time since we last used our secret code, but the other night at dinner I dared to serve you vegetables, peas and carrots as it so happened to be, and while you didn’t eat them, you did point to them and say “that’s mommy and Liam”. I could have melted right there on the spot, because after all this time you remembered what it was all about. So, as I close this letter to you on the cusp of your 4^th year, I want you to know that no matter what changes happen in our family, no matter how happy or sad or jealous or angry you may feel as the years roll along, you will always be my heart and soul. It’s you and me. We’re peas and carrots.

Happy “Free”, sweet boy.

I love you. I love you. I love you.