FOUR

Liam -

Right now, I am listening to you through our shared wall as you sing "Happy Birthday" to yourself...the "look like a monkey" version. And then listen as you laugh at your wit. And then listen more as you tell your buddies about your gifts and which one was your favorite (the electric pencil sharpener, of course). And it hits me that you may actually remember this birthday next year...and the year after that. And when you are a grown up, you may even remember this birthday as being one of your favorites and that makes me smile because you are making your own memories now, memories that won't be filtered through me. And while I fret about the way our day started...yelling, tears....I know that years from now you will only remember the happy parts, like that dang electric pencil sharpener, and that makes me feel a little better.



This year has been pretty amazing. Lots of new stuff. Lots of adjusting. Lot of acceptance. Lots of patience. Or rather, the need for lots of adjusting, lots of acceptance and lots (LOTS) of patience. They were not so easily come by, but we got there.

You became a big brother almost 9 months ago. You liked it at first. Loved your new baby sister while she and mommy lived at the hospital. You clearly were not counting on us bringing her home. That's where the adjusting came in. Then when she was home, she cried. All. The. Time. That's where patience came in. Then she started to smile at you, and laugh when you made silly sounds or ran around the house like a loon, and looked for you as soon she heard your voice. And that is when the acceptance started happening. I don't think that you actually remember your life without Annie. You talk about the past and include her in it. I don't bother to tell you she hasn't always been around because as far as your concerned, the two of you entered this world together and that is how you like it. Works for me.

I think that deep down you are aware of this, but let me just spell it out for you anyway. That little girl loves you with all of her being. She adores you. You are her hero. And you are her very best friend. When I see the way she looks at you and the way you take care of her, I am thankful that you will always have each other as you walk through this world. As she gets older she will get into your space, touch your stuff and drive you mad. And at some point, you will do the same. And you will both take a kind of perverse pleasure in pissing each other off. But you will always have this beginning to fall back on...this time of hero worship and adoration...and you will always have moments in between all the bickering when you are best friends again. That's the way it works. The memories will always be yours and hers to share and they will bind you forever. You are two very lucky kids.

I am very proud of you for stepping up to this big brother role. It was hard, I know. It was hard for mommy to think of you as the big boy you are because you will always be my first sweet baby. But I needed to show you that I had faith in you. That I knew you could share me with your sister, take care of yourself a little more and learn to be a part of a bigger family. You've done such a good job, Liam.



You are such an interesting, curious little creature. Forever asking me "why" and "how" and very supportive when I don't know the answer. And I mean truly-don't-know, not leave-me-alone-for-the-love-of-god don't know. You like to say to me, "it's okay Mommy, I know you can do it". Or "come on Mommy, let's both think about it", and then "hmmmmmmm" as you ponder the ways of the universe. Or how vacuums work, as the case may be. I didn't think I would run out of answers by the time you turned 4, but you stump me almost daily, buddy. Hopefully, with a little help from Google, I will keep you convinced of my genius for at least a couple of more years.

You are very funny and are beginning to tell jokes. The same jokes. All the time. But no matter, you think you are HILARIOUS and when we stop guffawing after the 10th telling of "why did the chicken cross the road", you help us out by demanding that we laugh. Loud and hard. Sometimes you even give us an example of how you would like our laughs to sound, which is very helpful, not to mention very funny, so then the laughs come easily again. I have been trying to teach you knock knock jokes to mix things up a bit, but you haven't quite got the delivery down yet. For now, you are happy to move on to all the "potty words" and think there is nothing funnier than saying things like "pee pee poo poo diaper baby" or replying "a piece of poop" when asked what you would like for a snack. Very low brow, Liam, but I will cut you a break seeing as how you're only four and all...and given your lineage, you really can't help it. I do draw the line at tooting at the table, though. Not funny, little man. Not funny at all. And no, the general rule is NOT "the stinkier the better", no matter what Daddy might say.

You love to dance right now. And sing. I have never heard anything as sweet as your little voice singing a song from one of your favorite shows or from school. You love to have sing-a-longs and learn new tunes and you really love to make up your own words to songs you already know.....which brings us back to the whole "potty words" scene. Such a boy. You love all of those Richard Scarry books and cartoons (thanks, daddy). You could look over the Busy Town books for hours and hours. This year has seen you find your imagination, pretending to be characters and neighborhood heroes. You are crazy about firefighters and fire stations and dress up in your "gear" almost daily. When I ask you if you would like to he a firefighter when you grow up you say no because it is too dangerous and fire is too hot. Hallelujah!

You are still obsessed to distraction with all tools and engines and gadgets of every kind. I really don't know why we bother buying toys for you as a light switch, a dial and a couple of knobs is enough to keep you busy for days. You also still love lawn equipment of every size, shape and function and the first place you try to check out upon arriving at someone's house is their garage. You wax poetic over leaf blowers and edgers and trimmers and I try very hard to keep my eyes from glazing over after the 100th re-telling of how they all work. You also love to cook. It is your favorite activity at preschool and would be your favorite activity at home if I actually allowed you to participate in preparing every meal, as you often request. Momma does not have a lot of patience in that department, but I am working on it. I love that you want to be a "helper" and my job is to find you jobs that you can do without making me crazy with control. I'm trying.



My sweet Pickle, I just cannot believe that you have already lived four years on this Earth. It has just flown by. Well, most of the days have flown by and to be truthful, there is much about this year that I regret. Time lost, minutes wasted to frustration, anger, and impatience. But I won't dwell on my mistakes here in this birthday letter to you. Just suffice it to say that it wasn't always easy for us this year. Being three years old has been pretty tricky. You thought you had it all figured and were bound and determined that things were going to go your way. So was your momma. We had arguments. Lots of them. Momma can be really stubborn and compromise just does not exist in the world of a three year old. A recipe for disaster if ever there was one. You discovered talking back, ignoring, tantrums, and a sudden fascination with all words you are not supposed to say. Some days I wondered where the sweet (albeit sassy) boy I knew had disappeared to. You got into trouble. A lot. You went to time out. A lot. You got really mad at mommy. A lot. But we survived this year with minimal damage, time has been on our side and I think you are figuring things out. And more importantly, so am I. It is your nature to test boundaries to their breaking point. Sometimes past their breaking point. Over and over again. There have been times that I think you are never going to learn, but then you surprise me and make a good choice in a bad situation and I know that you are beginning to think about your actions and your words a little more. You are kind to your friends and respectful with adults and hearing you say to me " Thanks for being my mommy" makes me realize I am doing something right in raising you. Every single day that passes I see your sweet spirit and gentle heart come shining through and I am so proud of who you are.

I say this every year, Liam, and will continue for the rest of my days: You are my heart and soul, my very best boy and I love you, love you, love you. Thanks for being my kid.

XOXOXOX,

Momma